{"id":8394,"date":"2019-02-14T08:14:35","date_gmt":"2019-02-14T14:14:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/customwordpresssites.com\/mjb\/?p=8394"},"modified":"2026-02-26T13:41:16","modified_gmt":"2026-02-26T19:41:16","slug":"my-celibacy-is-steeped-in-a-whole-lot-of-love","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/customwordpresssites.com\/mjb\/2019\/02\/14\/my-celibacy-is-steeped-in-a-whole-lot-of-love\/","title":{"rendered":"My celibacy is steeped in a whole lot of love"},"content":{"rendered":"

On Valentine\u2019s Day and every day, my celibacy is steeped in a whole lot of love.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"three-women-taxi\"
Franciscan Sisters of Perpetual Adoration Sarah Hennessey, Julia Walsh and Eileen McKenzie sharing the love of community (image courtesy of Sarah Hennessey, FSPA).<\/strong><\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

What does it mean to live consecrated celibacy on Valentine\u2019s Day? In a world obsessed with relationships and sexuality, what does it mean to give that part of myself to Christ? <\/span><\/p>\n

I have been living religious life for 16 years now, and my walk with celibacy has changed. When I was first discerning vows I met a wise, older sister who told me that I would struggle with each of the vows of poverty, obedience and consecrated celibacy in their own time. So far, she has been right. Just when I thought I was totally comfortable in these vows, life changed and caused me to look at them in a new light. I made vows for a lifetime, but live them out day by day. Every day I choose to be a religious sister. Every day I choose to be celibate. <\/span><\/p>\n

For me, celibacy is about relationship: my relationship with Christ and consequently the shaping of my relationship with everyone else in my life. I love fiercely. I am madly in love with Christ, but I also love my sisters in community, my friends and my family like crazy. And yes, sometimes I am attracted to someone. Sometimes I find myself riding that wave of emotion on the inside and choosing appropriate boundaries on the outside. Like anyone already in a committed relationship, I can balance between choosing constancy to my commitment while honoring my own feelings. For me, celibacy is steeped in a whole lot of love.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"group-of-many-Franciscan-sisters\"
Many FSPA, including Sisters Sarah and Julia, celebrate community at a Post-Vatican II<\/a> gathering. (image courtesy of Sister Katie Mitchell)<\/strong><\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Surprisingly, central to my love for Christ is love for myself. For many years, as I struggled with depression, I also doubted my own self-worth. Self-hatred kept me in bondage. Slowly my friends and family loved me into life, and one day it all shifted. I stopped hating myself and began the process of learning to love myself. This has probably been the greatest shift of my life and a surprising challenge to my celibacy. Suddenly, the whole world was filled with emotion. I never knew that I could love so much. My feelings were new and raw. My love for God suddenly meant more than it ever had before. The change was so strong that I began to ask myself if I truly wanted to be celibate. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Why am I celibate today, as I am, with my whole and beautiful self? I turn to seek the wisdom of those who have gone before me. I opened a journal I kept when I was first discerning vows and found some quotes. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201c<\/span>Many if not most persons who are drawn to a celibate life are not celibate because they made a vow of celibacy. Rather, they are drawn to vow celibacy because of a strong internal sense of prior claim. They sense that celibacy is a given of their being \u2026 The reason for celibacy may always remain difficult to explain \u2026 But for them, the claim of God on their lives is such that to give their whole embodied selves in sexual union with another person would be a denial of their own inner authenticity and integrity.\u201d \u2013 Elaine Prevallet, SL <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

I feel a prior claim. Though it is not always easy, I <\/span>like<\/span><\/i> celibacy. I like how it organizes my life around love without one primary relationship. I like the sense of authenticity and integrity it gives me. I think my vows in religious life help me to be more \u201cSarah.\u201d I am most fully myself as I live this life. For me, this life is all about relationship. The words of Sandra M. Schneiders, IHM, speak to my heart. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201c<\/span>Sometimes people ask religious how they persevere in a state of life within a church whose institutional corruption is so clear to them, and in which they may even be the objects of unjust persecution. Whatever answer they give, often the real reason is religious life is not, for them, a commitment to an institution, but a relationship with Christ that, in the final analysis, no authority can touch.\u201d \u2013 Sandra Schneiders, \u201cSelling All: Commitment, Consecrated Celibacy, and Community in Catholic Religious Life\u201d <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

I love the church and the people of God, but when people wonder how I can stay in a church that often is so flawed, this is my reason. I am in love with Christ and Christ\u2019s people, with my whole self today. This is a choice, one that I live every day. Even on Valentine\u2019s Day. <\/span><\/p>\n

As Mechthild of Magdeburg wrote in the 1200s,<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cLord, you are my lover, <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

My longing, <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

My flowing stream, <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

My sun, <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

And I am your reflection.\u201d <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

Amen.<\/span><\/p>\n