{"id":6935,"date":"2016-12-19T13:43:29","date_gmt":"2016-12-19T19:43:29","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/customwordpresssites.com\/mjb\/?p=6935"},"modified":"2026-02-26T13:44:25","modified_gmt":"2026-02-26T19:44:25","slug":"the-joy-of-receiving","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/customwordpresssites.com\/mjb\/2016\/12\/19\/the-joy-of-receiving\/","title":{"rendered":"The joy of receiving"},"content":{"rendered":"

Jesus observed, \u201cWithout me you can do nothing.\u201d Yet we act, for the most part, as though without us God can do nothing \u2026\u201c<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

~ Loretta Ross-Gotta<\/span><\/p>\n

Last night I walked into our parish\u2019s \u201cFiesta de la Virgen de Guadalupe.\u201d It was a rare occasion for me — a church event for which I had no particular role or responsibility. As our parish\u2019s youth minister\/RCIA coordinator\/general purpose fire putter outer, it\u2019s rare for me to attend a liturgy or event where I am not working or serving in some capacity. I walked into the sanctuary thinking, \u201cFinally, a chance to just sit and pray for once, without having to do something!\u201d This was my chance to relax!<\/p>\n

\"guadalupe-steven-cottam\"
Photo courtesy of Steven Cottam<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

 <\/p>\n

However, as the celebration began I soon found myself not refreshed but restless. I couldn\u2019t focus and was constantly fidgeting. Maybe someone needed help with something? Was anyone seeking liturgical assistance? No; there were plenty lectors and eucharistic ministers. Did someone need help in the kitchen? No, it was already filled with talented chefs. Even the garbage was taken out faster than I could get to it. It was unnerving: no one seemed to need my help. I wandered through the festivities and out into the social hall where the leader of our Hispanic ministry caught sight of me and immediately handed me a plate which she began to pile high with food of all sorts — tamales, rice and sweet breads, as well as a cup of hot chocolate. At first I tried to refuse: \u201cNo, no, no … I don\u2019t need this much … I\u2019ll wait for everyone else to eat.\u201d Even though I had missed dinner and found myself terribly hungry, even though it was being offered by a friend, even though there was clearly enough to go around, I nonetheless tried to turn away the fare. Despite my protestations, I was soon holding a heap of food (plus some to take home, \u201cPara mi ni\u00f1a\u201d) and could barely utter an awkward, terribly accented \u201cEres bastante generosa\u201d before she moved on to bestow another delicious bounty on someone else.<\/p>\n

After devouring several tamales I sat down to reflect. And it struck me that I am a terrible gift receiver. I\u2019m always trying to refuse gifts and help. When someone tries to give me something, be it a book or a brownie, I always try to turn it down. (If I accept at all it\u2019s usually after several entreaties.) If someone offers help my first instinct is always to say, \u201cNo, I got this.\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve always believed this impulse was a result of my attempt to cultivate a servant\u2019s heart. And to be fair to myself there is a lot of truth in that — I do truly love to give and to serve. But as I sat there, reflecting, I began to notice a dark side. The truth is that a big part of my refusal and reluctance to accept help is pride. I want to be in control. I want to have the power. I want to be the one who has it all together and the excess of time, talent, and treasure to give. Another part is cynicism. I find joy in giving and yet doubt that others do — I fear they give to me reluctantly, and that I will be an undue burden they are anxious to shrug off. This basically amounts to the assumption they are less generous than I am. And the real tragedy in that is it saps my ability to be grateful. I get so anxious about whether or not I should have accepted the gift offered that I am rarely able to graciously accept and simply say \u201cThank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"tamales-daughter-steven-cottam\"
Steven’s daughter polishing off the tamales (photo courtesy of Steven Cottam)<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Recently the Dalai Lama contributed to <\/span>an op-ed in <\/span>The New York Times<\/span><\/i><\/a> in which he wrote that one real tragedy of modern civilization is that so many people feel unneeded. He said that we all benefit when everyone feels they can meaningfully contribute to building a better world, and that \u201c<\/span>We should start each day by consciously asking ourselves, \u2018What can I do today to appreciate the gifts that others offer me?\u2019\u201d And I figure there is no better time to start doing this than Advent and Christmas: seasons filled with giving and receiving. I\u2019ll still give and serve as much as I can to everyone around me. But I\u2019m also going to try to be more gracious in receiving what others give to me. I\u2019m going to try to be a bit more humble about my own abilities, and a bit more trusting of the hearts\u2019 of my friends. I\u2019m going to try to remember that I am not only a servant of the kingdom, but also a son — and being part of a family means receiving love as well as giving it.<\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m going to start by finishing the leftover tamales. And to my friends from the festival, if you are reading this, <\/span>gracias por el regalo delicioso<\/span><\/i>. I really was quite hungry.<\/span><\/p>\n

About the Rabble Rouser<\/a>:<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Steven-Cottam\"Steven Cottam<\/strong><\/a> serves as youth minister at Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic Church. He lives in the Church Hill neighborhood of Richmond, Virginia, with his lovely wife, his adorable daughter and his very strange dog. He is an active member of Common Change<\/a>, a group which seeks to gather and distribute tithe money in a relational and collaborative way. He has been friends with Sister Julia ever since they were students, coworkers, and cooking club members together at Catholic Theological Union in Chicago. His interests and passions include Aikido, gardening, coffee, and becoming a Jedi Master.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Jesus observed, \u201cWithout me you can do nothing.\u201d Yet we act, for the most part, as though without us God can do nothing \u2026\u201c ~ Loretta Ross-Gotta Last night I walked into our parish\u2019s \u201cFiesta de la Virgen de Guadalupe.\u201d It was a rare occasion for me — a church event for which I had...","protected":false},"author":3935050,"featured_media":6944,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"","filesize":"","filesize_raw":"","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":"","_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[2178641],"tags":[28140,5205,14196316,2416,406,16796,55233634,586,19633,126025,5411,104576,24097,2572,494,10193,532575,34941365,30351],"series":[698756626],"class_list":["post-6935","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-prayer-and-spirituality","tag-blessings","tag-celebration","tag-christmas","tag-church","tag-family","tag-feast","tag-fiesta-de-la-virgen-de-guadalupe","tag-food","tag-gifts","tag-give","tag-gratitude","tag-humility","tag-mexican-food","tag-ministry","tag-party","tag-presents","tag-receive","tag-relationship-2","tag-service","series-messy-jesus-business"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/customwordpresssites.com\/mjb\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/12\/guadalupe-by-steven-cottam-e1482249778976.jpg","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/customwordpresssites.com\/mjb\/wp-content\/plugins\/seriously-simple-podcasting\/assets\/images\/no-album-art.png","download_link":"","player_link":"","audio_player":false,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"dark","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"stitcher":{"key":"stitcher","url":"","label":"Stitcher","class":"stitcher","icon":"stitcher.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/customwordpresssites.com\/mjb\/feed\/podcast\/messy-jesus-business","embedCode":"

The joy of receiving<\/a><\/blockquote>